This year has been a very difficult and draining one emotionally... My husband and I became guardians of some little ones, and it's a mantle that I take so very seriously. Jumping awake at every whimper...picking up to soothe at every little cry. While going through all that has to be gone through with an imperfect system, I've struggled so much this year in particular with just plain old fear... fear for these little ones...their lives...their futures. I've always been one who needs to be in complete control of everything that surrounds me...everything that impacts me... but in this, I don't have that. I don't have that ability to control how a system works to make sure they will be safe and secure, succeed in life, and be loved through it. Sure I can beat my head against a wall trying...but it will work how it works nonetheless despite me. ...and there I stand with a system calling the shots with little lives. At least, that's been my tunneled view until just a few moments ago as I was talking to God about this struggle.
As a minister, I am always talking about trusting God. It is so easy to talk about it... but in this like never before, I have found it hard to walk in it. My thought tonight was...Why do I continually walk in a manner that says to God...I know better than you God. You may be able to see their beginning from their end...but somehow...someway...I know better than you. ...As I stepped back a moment ago, I saw how wrong I was to think this way. Who can love a person more than God...who can know better than God...the One who knew us before we were born...who formed us in the womb...who calls us by name. Who can know better than God how one's life should go. The answer is quite simply...no one. He loves us all with an everlasting love. He knows the plans that He has for us all... plans to prosper us and not to harm us... plans to give us hope and a future. He knows these little ones paths...He put me in their path for a reason...and He is showing me that no matter what, He will accomplish in them the work He has started. ...and even in this as He is working out their future, He is working to accomplish the work He has started in me as well. How can one learn to trust God completely if one does not go through the fire that challenges or even removes one's ability to accomplish in one's own strength? I am finding that the only way to learn trust is to come to that realization that we cannot do it alone...we cannot do it our own strength. The first step in learning to trust...is learning to let go.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
As a minister, I am always talking about trusting God. It is so easy to talk about it... but in this like never before, I have found it hard to walk in it. My thought tonight was...Why do I continually walk in a manner that says to God...I know better than you God. You may be able to see their beginning from their end...but somehow...someway...I know better than you. ...As I stepped back a moment ago, I saw how wrong I was to think this way. Who can love a person more than God...who can know better than God...the One who knew us before we were born...who formed us in the womb...who calls us by name. Who can know better than God how one's life should go. The answer is quite simply...no one. He loves us all with an everlasting love. He knows the plans that He has for us all... plans to prosper us and not to harm us... plans to give us hope and a future. He knows these little ones paths...He put me in their path for a reason...and He is showing me that no matter what, He will accomplish in them the work He has started. ...and even in this as He is working out their future, He is working to accomplish the work He has started in me as well. How can one learn to trust God completely if one does not go through the fire that challenges or even removes one's ability to accomplish in one's own strength? I am finding that the only way to learn trust is to come to that realization that we cannot do it alone...we cannot do it our own strength. The first step in learning to trust...is learning to let go.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
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