Well for starters...you're continually on public display.  Is her hair right? Are her clothes right? Do her kids behave? Is she an amazing hostess? Does she handle everything with a calm grace? Does she always have a smile? 

So many have an image of what a pastor's wife should look like...yet is that image correct in God's eyes?  A pastor's wife is a human being just like everyone else....  She will not be the picture of perfection to anyone that expects her to be and she may not fill the role that people think she should.

In fact, this particular pastor's wife actually walks in a pastoral role as well... I'm not the behind the scenes kind of gal...never have been...never will be.  Not because I like the limelight but rather because that is who God has made me....and I'm clear in who He has made me. No man or twisted theology can change that. I have never wanted to be that phony smile all the time kind of person.  I wasn't like that before I met Jesus...and I won't be like that since I've met Him.  I am who He created me to be.  A very unique individual who is a defender, a nurturer, an administrator...and so much more.  I will never fit in the little box people try to put me in...nor would I ever want to.

The John MacArthur story that recently came out telling Beth Moore to "go home," struck a chord with me. It truly reveals the heart of many...and gives great credence to how I've been feeling.  It shows the battle that I think many women in ministry have to face on a continual basis.  God did NOT solely give a man the right to minister... but said that His Sons and His daughters would.  That sounds like a pretty level playing field to me...and yet people miss it.  God used women all the time throughout history in roles that man thought they shouldn't be in.

In my life recently someone told me that it wasn't right that the pastor had to stay home and watch the kids after working all day so that I could go to a Bible study and get refreshed.  That same person also believed that I shouldn't be referred to as pastor in the church even though I've been in public ministry for 27 years and served as senior pastor right alongside my husband for the past 7 years counseling, administrating in the church, shepherding, preaching, teaching, going to bat in prayer and on the front lines for congregant after congregant.... Apparently in that person's eyes... much like MacArthur... women are less than men and should sit like a dog in their place and only come out when requested.  In fact I was recently told that maybe I should lower myself so that God could raise me up... ummm really?  Yeah...no... God already has instilled in me who I am...the one with the problem is not me... it's the one who can't or refuses to accept that due to a limited view of who a woman should be and the role she should fill in life and ministry.  So should I wait around for some man to give me his stamp of approval?  No... my God already has.

The reality is... God has made each of us very unique... my husband has giftings that I don't have...He gets words of knowledge and has an amazing way of delivering the message every week to the congregation that God wants him to deliver...and I have giftings that he doesn't have...I have dreams that have always been spot on revealing things that will happen... I have God given discernment... God's made me a watchman... and I'm an effective administrator, and when my husband and I work as a team, we are an unstoppable force for the kingdom... so why wouldn't the enemy want to try to interfere with that right?  Why wouldn't the enemy try to be critical of everything about a pastor's wife...to take out not only the woman of God...but the man of God in the process.  

I encourage each pastor's wife whether you are a behind the scenes gal or an out on the firing lines kind of gal... keep on keeping on.  God will send those who will support you and not be critical of every aspect of you.  God will use you greatly for the kingdom and no man or principality in high places can stop what God has planned for your life.

What if the modern day church suddenly changed?  What if there were no programs...no entertainment...no lights and sound effects... What if everything was stripped down to just seats to sit on? Would you still go to church? What if there was no Sunday morning worship lineup and the musicians came off the platform (and yes...I said platform... it's not a stage for the purpose of entertaining...it is a platform for getting out the word that God would give His people), and they sang and played their instruments sitting with the congregation so as to not be the focus.  What if all entertainment was dropped, only the Word was preached, people sat and encouraged one another, and deeply studied the Word together.  What if the church doors were open at all times, and people actually came together and prayed with such intensity as if preparing to go into battle?  Would you still go to church?

Everyone has a grand idea of what the modern day church should look like...but what if that idea is so far from what God intended?  What if that grand idea of church has caused the Spirit and the power of God to be quenched?  Is the reason we are not seeing the full impact of the power of God upon lives because we have put the focus on all that is not Him...in an effort to present Him to a lost world just as the world?

When the disciples were in the upper room praying in unity and one accord...it was then that the Spirit came upon them...and it was then that they received the power to do all manner of miracles and it was then that the Lord added to the church daily it says, such that should be saved. (Acts 2) Oh Church...What if...we became what God had called us to be...would people begin to be healed, delivered, transformed, renewed, refreshed?  Oh Church...what if...?

This year has been a very difficult and draining one emotionally... My husband and I became guardians of some little ones, and it's a mantle that I take so very seriously.  Jumping awake at every whimper...picking up to soothe at every little cry. While going through all that has to be gone through with an imperfect system, I've struggled so much this year in particular with just plain old fear... fear for these little ones...their lives...their futures.  I've always been one who needs to be in complete control of everything that surrounds me...everything that impacts me... but in this, I don't have that. I don't have that ability to control how a system works to make sure they will be safe and secure, succeed in life, and be loved through it. Sure I can beat my head against a wall trying...but it will work how it works nonetheless despite me. ...and there I stand with a system calling the shots with little lives.  At least, that's been my tunneled view until just a few moments ago as I was talking to God about this struggle.  

As a minister, I am always talking about trusting God.  It is so easy to talk about it... but in this like never before, I have found it hard to walk in it. My thought tonight was...Why do I continually walk in a manner that says to God...I know better than you God.  You may be able to see their beginning from their end...but somehow...someway...I know better than you.  ...As I stepped back a moment ago, I saw how wrong I was to think this way.  Who can love a person more than God...who can know better than God...the One who knew us before we were born...who formed us in the womb...who calls us by name. Who can know better than God how one's life should go.  The answer is quite simply...no one.  He loves us all with an everlasting love.  He knows the plans that He has for us all... plans to prosper us and not to harm us... plans to give us hope and a future.  He knows these little ones paths...He put me in their path for a reason...and He is showing me that no matter what, He will accomplish in them the work He has started.  ...and even in this as He is working out their future, He is working to accomplish the work He has started in me as well. How can one learn to trust God completely if one does not go through the fire that challenges or even removes one's ability to accomplish in one's own strength?  I am finding that the only way to learn trust is to come to that realization that we cannot do it alone...we cannot do it our own strength.  The first step in learning to trust...is learning to let go.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

How many days do we wake up and go through our day feeling like this?  I know I'm not the only one.  Putting on that face to lift someone else up but inwardly crying out because of the cruelty of mankind...the backbiting...the gossip...the infighting...the envy...the jealousy...all the cruelty that comes from the enemy of our souls waiting...lurking...ready to pounce to take us out of the race. As a minister, can I say it's even harder to show your humanity because so many are quick to point their fingers when an ounce of humanity is shown.  You know what...this is real... ministers hurt...they get angry...they get sad...they cry... they bleed... they get tired and weary just like everyone else and sometimes moreso because of the weight of others that they bear.  Ministers are not superhuman beings, they are ordinary humans who have just been charged with leading.  If I do anything at all besides lead people to Christ...I hope I show people the human side of ministers and ministry...I hope I show them that I am not superhuman even when the expectation for that is there.  I hope I show them that no matter who you are, you too need a God who can pick you up and bind together all the brokenness that comes from being in a fallen world that does not know Him....because if it did, there would be no hurt...there would be no tears...there would be no sadness.  One day we will have that, but until that day, I will put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, I will lift up my eyes to the hills from where my help comes from, I will offer up the sacrifice of praise to God continually, I will cry out to my God who will lead me to the Rock who is higher than I.  My God, in Him will I put all my hope and trust because in Him there is no shadow of turning.  Brothers and sisters in Christ...don't hide behind a smile and don't expect others to...bear one another's burdens...it is in this when we fulfill the law of Christ. 

Have you ever felt that you pour out... and you pour out...and you pour out... until finally... you are all poured out?  I've been feeling that way to the extreme the past several days.  This past week, I didn't care if the church was organized and all clean... I didn't want to play piano...I didn't want to do the bulletins... I didn't want to do the count... I didn't want to teach the Sunday School... I didn't want to counsel...or minister... I... just...didn't. I didn't want to do any more pouring. There are just some days lately when doing personal inventory on the inside of me that I find...there's nothing left,  and I tell God... you know what God... I'm just all poured out. There's no oil left to pour. It's a weary, heartbreaking, joyless feeling when you feel like there's just nothing left to give.  This morning as I was reading, I came across the scripture of the widow's oil...God took care of her need, and I felt God tell me... "Let me give you what you need this morning.  Let me pour my oil back into you...an oil that will not run out as long as there is a vessel to fill."  I asked God..."God, what kind of oil would that be?"  He said, "The oil of My joy."  Hebrews 1:9 says, "You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; therefore God, Your God, has placed You above Your companions by anointing You with the oil of joy."

God always has a way of bringing hope and refreshing when you're all poured out...  I'm thankful this morning for my God and for His oil of joy!

I haven't written in my blog in a really lonnngggg time... so I thought it's time.  What has been happening in this wife of a pastor's life this year?  Well....This year has been a challenging year...a hard one...and a long one.  So much heartache that I can't even express.  Each year as I grow older I find it doesn't get easier but rather really stretches me more and more... testing my patience...my endurance...my strength...my love for people...and my faith. Can the wife of a pastor have her faith tested and shaken?  Can her love for people grow cold?  Well...speaking from my own experiences and challenges...I would have to say...Yes...most definitely.  Yet as I reflect...I am thankful to see that God, in my moments of faltering, hasn't given up on me...He hasn't left me alone...He is still refining me; pulling out what is not Him and putting in slowly but surely all that is. He is a good God.  He has made my faith stronger with the testing.  As I reflect, I realize how thankful I am that I am His and He is mine....that He is not against me but for me. ...That He has a plan and purpose specifically for my life...plans not to harm me, but to give me a hope and a future eternally with Him.  

We sang the song, "Love Came Down," today in worship, and I have to say that I'm so thankful that love came down to rescue me and set me free from the law of sin and death. Although both things loom large in this world, they don't have power over me any longer...their sting is gone. As I reflect, I realize more and more how much I truly desire to just be with Him eternally..to put off all that this world offers and just pick up all He offers.  I wait so expectantly for His return.  I often envision what a day it will be when the struggles...the tests...the trials...the sadness and heartache...and all the frustrations of this world will be laid down at His feet replaced with the pure joy and worship to my Savior and Creator that will become my sole purpose and desire of my every breath and moment. I don't fear the things of this world any longer....The events taking place have been foretold...but so has His great victory; His victory which I not only participate in but is what I can hope and rejoice in.  

​I encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ...hang on...hang on through the heartache...hang on through the trials...He hasn't left you...He's perfecting you to one day stand in His presence and worship Him completely. His Spirit is training you how even now.  1 Peter 1:6-9 says, "Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls."  I rejoice today because I am His...and He is mine, but I will share Him with all who desire to know Him. He is a good God...and He desires all of you...and all of me.

Someone sent me an email devotional yesterday with I'm sure the most genuine and best intentions...but the word delivered in it was by what I call a "Feel Good Preacher."  All I could do was just smh. Anyone who truly knows me...knows that they won't get an amen from me on it.  One of the things in this email said this... "There is nothing left for you to do to earn God’s blessings for your life. You only need to hear and believe the all-encompassing saving power of the gospel of Christ to heal you of diseases, preserve you from danger, bless your finances and bring well-being to your family."  

Really? I don't remember reading anywhere in the Bible where His grace and the sacrifice He made on the cross ever equated to temporal blessing?  ...and that if you just believe, you will have all the good things in life.  If that "feel good message" is truth...man what about Job.  What about the fact that John the Baptist was beheaded...and Peter was hung on a cross upside down... and Stephen was stoned to death.  This walk is not always "feel good." What about the fact that the adulterous woman was told to go and sin no more by Jesus, Himself... what about the fact that the blind man was told to go wash in the river? Oh my...you see, I'm reading hardship after hardship and trial after trial here...I'm also reading that something is required of us other than just saying I believe... Yes, faith plays a huge part in all of this...but it's not faith in temporary things rather it is faith that no matter what, He's going to bring us through.  You see, these "feel good preachers" aren't presenting to you the whole message. Although it feels good to hear it...it's not truth. I want to make something very clear... God's grace has gotten so twisted in this day and age by so many.  The reality is...YES, beyond a shadow of a doubt God's grace is absolutely amazing, and we don't deserve it... we can't earn it... that is a fact.  It can only be obtained through faith in the One who gives it. That grace He freely gives washes us clean, gives us His robes of righteousness, and an eternal future with Him.  But... when we truly acknowledge and receive that grace, it causes our inner man to desire to be changed.  It causes us to no longer want to remain in the muck and mire of this world but rather gives us a great desire to know His will and way.  It gives us a desire to be like the One who gave us that grace. The Bible says in Romans 3:31, "Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law."  Christ's sacrifice on the cross cost everything...and that sacrifice shouldn't be taken lightly.  He didn't pour out His grace upon us for us to trounce all over it. He didn't die so that we would receive money, fame, and health.  He didn't freely give His grace for us to continue living in a sinful manner... He gave His grace so that we would not only become like Him but also live eternally with Him. 

You see...Christ's death on the cross didn't abolish the law, it fulfilled it.  It took away the bondage of it.  Gill's Exposition of The Entire Bible says it the best in my opinion..."yea, we establish the law. The law is not made void, neither by the grace nor doctrine of faith: not by the grace of faith; for that faith is not right which is not attended with works of righteousness; and those works are not right which do not flow from filth. Such a connection there is between faith and works; and so much do the one depend upon the other. Moreover, none but believers are capable of performing good works aright, and they do them, and they ought to do them: besides, faith, as a grace, looks to Christ, as the end of the law for righteousness, and therefore do not make it void. Nor is it made void by the doctrine of faith, and by the particular doctrine of a sinner's justification by faith in Christ's righteousness, which is here more especially intended; for though it is made void by it, as to any use of it for justification by the deeds thereof; yet its use in other respects is not set aside, such as to inform us of the mind and will of God, to discover and convince of sin, to show believers their deformity and imperfection, to render Christ and his righteousness more valuable, and to be a rule of walk and conversation to them; and it still remains a cursing and condemning law to Christless sinners, though justified ones are delivered from it as such: yea, the law is so far from being made void, that it is established by this doctrine; for by it the perpetuity of it is asserted, the spirituality of it is acknowledged, the perfect righteousness of it is secured: according to this doctrine all its demands are answered; whatever it requires it has, such as holiness of nature, perfect obedience to its precepts, and its full penalty borne: it is placed in the best hands, where it will ever remain; and a regard to it is enforced under the best influence, by the best of motives, and from the best of principles. It is indeed abolished as a covenant of works, and in this sense is made void to believers; and it is done away as to the form of administration of it by Moses; and it is destroyed as a yoke of bondage; and the people of God are free from the malediction of it, and condemnation by it, and so from its terror; yet it remains unalterable and unchangeable in the hands of Christ; the matter of it is always the same, and ever obligatory on believers, who, though they are freed from the curse of it, are not exempted from obedience to it: wherefore the law is not made void, so as to be destroyed and abolished in every sense, or to be rendered idle, inactive, useless, and insignificant; but, on the contrary, is made to stand, is placed on a sure basis and firm foundation, as the words used signify."

God's blessings are eternal...not necessarily always temporal. Those who have died for their faith...have received the ultimate blessing. If you truly want to see God's blessing upon your life... then line your life up with His will and way.  Don't expect to receive His covering when you continue in your own way.  There's nothing in scripture that backs up the feel good message listed above...nothing at all.  In fact, many who believe it and then don't see that "blessing" "feel good preachers" speak continually about poured out upon them...will eventually just fall away when trials, tribulation, and hardship come because they weren't standing on the solid rock or sold out to Him to begin with, but rather were just saying they "believe" to receive some kind of monetary temporal blessing. In fact, Christ said, "...In this world, you WILL have trials and sorrows, but take heart because I have overcome the world." I encourage you today to choose Him...and to choose to live for Him...not for a temporary earthly blessing, but for an eternal one.  This life is hard...it truly is, but when we know Him...when we receive Him...He gives us a peace to overcome those things that are hard that goes beyond even our human understanding.

I haven't written a blog post in a while...but felt like I should today.  The question that floods my brain this morning is...Is the preaching of the cross foolishness?  I recently was speaking with someone who adamantly believes that Christ and the Bible are just fairy tales.  It's very hard for me to understand that way of thinking, but it exists and will become more and more prevalent as Christ's return draws closer.  

My thoughts this morning are on the preaching of the cross to those who don't believe. 1 Corinthians 1:18 says, "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." The reason it is so real to someone who is saved is because they have experienced firsthand the goodness and power of God. More and more, we live in a world where people will deny God's power...they'll deny His work...they'll even deny His very existence. Author and speaker Josh McDowell I think says it best in this, "The problem is not a matter of 'I can’t believe because the facts won’t let me' so much as a matter of 'No matter what proof, I won’t believe.' If anyone is truly interested in evaluating the evidence for proof of Christianity’s truth, the words of Jesus are applicable: 'If any man is willing to do His will, he shall know of the teaching, whether it is of God, or whether I speak from Myself'" (John 7:17, NASB). 

So is the preaching of the cross foolishness?  You see...one just has to step out and do His will rather than the will of self...and the teaching of the cross will become very real...because one will have then experienced that teaching firsthand. Without a relationship...you don't know someone....you don't understand where they are coming from....but with one comes a level of trust that they are who they say they are. My friends, I can tell you firsthand that He is real...He is alive...and He is who He says He is. I encourage all who know me...and even those who don't...get in the Word...find out what this Christianity is all about...and build a relationship with the life changing I Am.

This morning my thoughts are on prayer.  Prayer is so very vital to our lives and the lives of others.  It's important to pray every day privately to get away to our secret place and intercede on behalf of ourselves and others.  Scripture says, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18 …And it's important to join corporately with others in prayer as it speaks about in Matthew 18:18-20, "Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.  For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."

Prayer is a powerful, powerful weapon.  It does battle in the heavenlies.  When doing battle, scripture talks about how one can put a thousand to flight and two can put ten thousand to flight. You see, God supernaturally multiplies our victory when we join together with other believers in battle.  ...But when we come together corporately a couple things are very important: 

1.       That it doesn't become a show for others to see how eloquently we can speak and pray.  Matthew 6:5 says, "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full." If you have a relationship with God…you’d talk to Him as if you did... not needing any of the pomp and circumstance.

2.       That it doesn’t become a gossip session about other people.  God knows what people have need of.  He knows their situation.  Bring their name before Him so that others may agree with you upon touching any one thing, but if they aren’t in the room with you sharing their situation or asked you to share it on their behalf, then it’s vitally important to let Him hear your heart’s cry about their situation rather than spreading their story for others to hear.  Trust me when I say this hypothetically…people don’t need to hear this kind of prayer… Lord, you know that Jopapa slept with Jomama, and Lord let them see the error of their ways… You haven't effectively prayed if you've spoken something like this out loud in a group setting... instead you have now just spread a rumor that will turn into a gossip train causing harm to the individuals whose names were shared. 

There’s great power in prayer…To make sure it’s effective, I encourage all to remember these two things: Go boldly before the throne with full confidence that God hears your cry and will answer…“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need,” but do not put on airs while doing so or turn prayer into a gossip session. 

 

It's amazing to me how so many will rely on a system that is run in a way in which it fails everyone who relies on it.  What does it do for the elderly?  What does it do for the disabled?  What does it do for the ones who are physically and mentally capable?  Nothing.  I have seen the elderly that rely on this system go without medicine and housing because they can't afford it and aren't able to provide it for themselves, I have seen those who have become disabled have to wait months if not years to receive any help as they have to go through all the red tape this system requires, and I have seen those who are physically and mentally capable of working and providing for themselves taken care of by this same system that allows them to not only continue to do absolutely nothing with their lives but even encourages it by making it impossible to break free from. This system that was created to help the needy in America is a failure through and through.

My heart goes out to those who have fallen into the grips of this dysfunctional system...and I implore fellow believers to show those who are in need the One who is THE true Jehovah Jireh.  We as a body should come together and reach out to the needy because...He cares for the elderly...He cares for the disabled... and He cares enough to say to those who are able... "A man who does not work, should not eat."  His is the system that works...His system does not fail.