Everyone has a hat or many that they wear...and a story they live and breathe everyday. I have found that people determine who you are sometimes based solely on the hats you wear... but if people would only look under those hats...they'd see that it is your story that molds and transforms you into who you truly are today. A hat in itself is unimportant...it's the story behind that hat that the world needs to see.
So yes...One of my many hats is the wife of a pastor...but there's a story behind that and every other hat I wear. And in this blog...I will share that story.
So how did I become the wife of a pastor... well I know my steps are ordered by God for starters...but the story is much more detailed than that. When I was little, I had a step-grandmother who always told me I was going to grow up and be a nun. I'm laughing now...just thinking about me being a nun...but in reality, she wasn't that far off and will never know it. I really don't remember what I wanted to be when I grew up...but I can assure you nun wasn't on the list lol. I didn't grow up knowing God. I knew about Him...but I didn't personally know Him nor did I really have the desire to until I was a little older. He seemed like someone who was so far away...unreachable...and not real...almost. ...Yet He has forever been by my side, even when I was not aware He was.
Before I tell you anymore of my story, I want you to know that He is a good God. Despite anything you or I have gone through, He is a good God. He has a plan and a purpose for our lives....plans to prosper us, not to harm us...plans to give us a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 (paraphrased) Looking back, I can see this in everything that I have gone through, in all that I have become, and even in all I will do in the future. He is a good God!
In sixth grade, I had a classmate share Jesus with me. She told me He loved me, and she led me in the salvation prayer. At that time, I asked Jesus to come into my heart...but I didn't fully understand...I didn't fully grasp who He was or even what I was doing. I didn't come to fully give my heart to Him until I was 18 during a really hard and lonely time in my life. I had just quit college...had no real purpose. I remembered the words of that sixth grader...the words that He loved me...and I turned to Him. I needed to know He was real, and the second I called on His name, He was there. I can't explain it other than a knowing that I was no longer alone but had someone right there by my side who loved me. This is when I began to follow Him, go to church, and read His Word on a consistent basis. My circle of friends began to change. No more hanging out to all hours of the night...no more throwing away my life. I now realized my life had purpose...a purpose much deeper than myself.
Was my desire to be a wife of a Pastor at that time? No... it wasn't even a blip on my radar yet. I had been dating a young man for quite some time...he loved God and me. We both, however, got connected with a "church" that was just bad news. It was a legalistic cult in my opinion...the leader made that young man act like he was my husband...and I had to "submit" to him. We weren't even married...and it destroyed our relationship. I had to wear long dresses and there were soooo many rules. It was crazy. God opened my eyes, and I knew that this wasn't Him. I walked away from it all, started wearing pants again among other things (thank God), and started attending a really great community church. I did this for about six months, and then realized I really wanted a man in my life. One night I prayed...I put in my request, my specific order so to speak :D .... I asked God to bring a man into my life who not only loved Him and was a person who studied the Word, but would also love me. The next day...the very next day, my future husband called me. We began to see each other, and it has been history from there.
Was it my desire now to be the wife of a Pastor? Nope...still absolutely no desire or leading. I became a mom of three beautiful children, Joshua, Stephen, and Caitlin, and my desire was to be a great mom for them...to spend every waking moment with them training them in the way that they should go. In many instances I failed them miserably in this. Life happened. Financially I wasn't able to be just a stay at home mom. I had to work outside the home as well. My time was so torn trying to raise them and trying to provide at the same time that I decided to go back to college to continue my degree in Criminal Justice. I felt with a better job, maybe I'd be able to have more time with them. Plus, I had always been a defender of others even from a young age...and felt a leading to continue this in my adult life. Just as I began college, we felt a calling to ministry. Not as senior pastors, but youth pastors. My time with my own children became more and more limited as I juggled work, school, and ministry. So...moms out there doing it all... I understand your pain...and so does God! He sees your every tear and knows your every desire. I would say, He'll make a way where there seems to be no way, but that will only happen if you allow Him the room to do it. I didn't because I felt like I had to do it all. Therefore, not only I suffered, but so did my kids. I completed my associates degree in Criminal Justice, and then went on to begin the completion of my Criminal Law degree.
One day, my husband told me of a dream he had. In the dream, he said that Jesus told him to start looking into Bible colleges because he was going to be a pastor one day. I know that probably sounds absolutely ridiculous... but I knew it was God. I had been praying asking God for direction, feeling like somehow I personally wasn't on the right path. When my husband shared that dream with me, I felt a peace that I can't even begin to explain. So we started to look at Bible colleges. We looked at one in Pennsylvania, Valley Forge Christian College, and one in Florida, Southeastern University. We both agreed that VFCC was where we were supposed to go. So sight unseen, we went. We lived in family housing right there on campus...which I'm not going to lie...was not the greatest experience, but was a learning one for sure. Really no privacy...three kids...thin walls...well you get the picture. ...But let me tell you how God moved. We drove for hours to get to the campus with a big moving truck. By the time we got there it was about 9 at night and we were all so very tired. The kids were cranky and hungry. The minute we pulled up, the students from the family housing greeted us with such a warm greeting. A couple took my kids and fed them...and the rest helped to unload our truck. We didn't have to say a word. We were and still are so thankful for that greeting. It was overwhelming to us how God considered even the smallest details and for all those who were obedient to Him that night.
During his schooling, we continued to be youth pastors, and I was the worship leader as well at our new church in PA. God moved mightily on our behalf during this time. Andrew completed his associates in Biblical Studies, and then we decided it was time to move to Florida to complete his pastoral degree. Notice I said, "We decided." We didn't really seek God out in this...we just did it. He went to Southeastern University to finish up. I'm not sure we were ever supposed to leave Pennsylvania because life in Florida was devastating for our whole family. Don't get me wrong, Florida is absolutely beautiful weather wise, but people wise...well... not so beautiful. The crime rate there is ridiculous...at least where we lived near Orlando. Know this...Although, sometimes we stray off His perfect path, if we are obedient to Him, He has a way of working it all out for the good even if it doesn't feel good at the time. While we were there in Florida, we felt led to be Children's pastors. We pastored children for about 5 years. It was such an awesome experience...but that's for another post one day. We also, at the time, worked in all other avenues of ministry while we were there... We cleaned the church, we worked in the senior's ministry, we worked in the homeless ministry, we helped out in every area that we could gleaning as much experience as we could. We were seeking God, and He told us when it was time to go...but we didn't obey. One night, right before Christmas, our family was held up at gunpoint...my life...our lives drastically changed. My worldview changed...any innocence or naivety I had...it was gone. Also a story for another time. We knew we had not obeyed God, and we were going to correct that. We made plans to move back home to NY. Our plans included becoming the Children's Pastors for our home church we left when we left NY... but God had other plans. Our pastor from NY called us and said a door was opening for a Senior Pastor position in Angola. Although he wanted us as Children's Pastor, he wanted us to check out the Senior Pastor position, and so we did...and so we are.
Did I now feel the calling to be the wife of a pastor? I had been all along but didn't realize it. ....And the realization was beginning to knock at the door of my heart. I am the wife of a pastor. Called to stand by my husband's side and assist him in that duty. It doesn't define me, but it is one of the many hats I wear. It's an enormous responsibility, but one obviously He believed I could handle. It is one I wear proudly and confidently knowing that my God had intended it even before I was born. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5 He set me apart to be who I am...to wear the hats I wear...to have an impact for His Kingdom. I am not a nun as was once spoken over me, but I am the wife of a pastor. Won't you ask yourself what has He set you apart for...for we all have a great purpose. Will we choose to fulfill that purpose is the even greater question?
So yes...One of my many hats is the wife of a pastor...but there's a story behind that and every other hat I wear. And in this blog...I will share that story.
So how did I become the wife of a pastor... well I know my steps are ordered by God for starters...but the story is much more detailed than that. When I was little, I had a step-grandmother who always told me I was going to grow up and be a nun. I'm laughing now...just thinking about me being a nun...but in reality, she wasn't that far off and will never know it. I really don't remember what I wanted to be when I grew up...but I can assure you nun wasn't on the list lol. I didn't grow up knowing God. I knew about Him...but I didn't personally know Him nor did I really have the desire to until I was a little older. He seemed like someone who was so far away...unreachable...and not real...almost. ...Yet He has forever been by my side, even when I was not aware He was.
Before I tell you anymore of my story, I want you to know that He is a good God. Despite anything you or I have gone through, He is a good God. He has a plan and a purpose for our lives....plans to prosper us, not to harm us...plans to give us a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 (paraphrased) Looking back, I can see this in everything that I have gone through, in all that I have become, and even in all I will do in the future. He is a good God!
In sixth grade, I had a classmate share Jesus with me. She told me He loved me, and she led me in the salvation prayer. At that time, I asked Jesus to come into my heart...but I didn't fully understand...I didn't fully grasp who He was or even what I was doing. I didn't come to fully give my heart to Him until I was 18 during a really hard and lonely time in my life. I had just quit college...had no real purpose. I remembered the words of that sixth grader...the words that He loved me...and I turned to Him. I needed to know He was real, and the second I called on His name, He was there. I can't explain it other than a knowing that I was no longer alone but had someone right there by my side who loved me. This is when I began to follow Him, go to church, and read His Word on a consistent basis. My circle of friends began to change. No more hanging out to all hours of the night...no more throwing away my life. I now realized my life had purpose...a purpose much deeper than myself.
Was my desire to be a wife of a Pastor at that time? No... it wasn't even a blip on my radar yet. I had been dating a young man for quite some time...he loved God and me. We both, however, got connected with a "church" that was just bad news. It was a legalistic cult in my opinion...the leader made that young man act like he was my husband...and I had to "submit" to him. We weren't even married...and it destroyed our relationship. I had to wear long dresses and there were soooo many rules. It was crazy. God opened my eyes, and I knew that this wasn't Him. I walked away from it all, started wearing pants again among other things (thank God), and started attending a really great community church. I did this for about six months, and then realized I really wanted a man in my life. One night I prayed...I put in my request, my specific order so to speak :D .... I asked God to bring a man into my life who not only loved Him and was a person who studied the Word, but would also love me. The next day...the very next day, my future husband called me. We began to see each other, and it has been history from there.
Was it my desire now to be the wife of a Pastor? Nope...still absolutely no desire or leading. I became a mom of three beautiful children, Joshua, Stephen, and Caitlin, and my desire was to be a great mom for them...to spend every waking moment with them training them in the way that they should go. In many instances I failed them miserably in this. Life happened. Financially I wasn't able to be just a stay at home mom. I had to work outside the home as well. My time was so torn trying to raise them and trying to provide at the same time that I decided to go back to college to continue my degree in Criminal Justice. I felt with a better job, maybe I'd be able to have more time with them. Plus, I had always been a defender of others even from a young age...and felt a leading to continue this in my adult life. Just as I began college, we felt a calling to ministry. Not as senior pastors, but youth pastors. My time with my own children became more and more limited as I juggled work, school, and ministry. So...moms out there doing it all... I understand your pain...and so does God! He sees your every tear and knows your every desire. I would say, He'll make a way where there seems to be no way, but that will only happen if you allow Him the room to do it. I didn't because I felt like I had to do it all. Therefore, not only I suffered, but so did my kids. I completed my associates degree in Criminal Justice, and then went on to begin the completion of my Criminal Law degree.
One day, my husband told me of a dream he had. In the dream, he said that Jesus told him to start looking into Bible colleges because he was going to be a pastor one day. I know that probably sounds absolutely ridiculous... but I knew it was God. I had been praying asking God for direction, feeling like somehow I personally wasn't on the right path. When my husband shared that dream with me, I felt a peace that I can't even begin to explain. So we started to look at Bible colleges. We looked at one in Pennsylvania, Valley Forge Christian College, and one in Florida, Southeastern University. We both agreed that VFCC was where we were supposed to go. So sight unseen, we went. We lived in family housing right there on campus...which I'm not going to lie...was not the greatest experience, but was a learning one for sure. Really no privacy...three kids...thin walls...well you get the picture. ...But let me tell you how God moved. We drove for hours to get to the campus with a big moving truck. By the time we got there it was about 9 at night and we were all so very tired. The kids were cranky and hungry. The minute we pulled up, the students from the family housing greeted us with such a warm greeting. A couple took my kids and fed them...and the rest helped to unload our truck. We didn't have to say a word. We were and still are so thankful for that greeting. It was overwhelming to us how God considered even the smallest details and for all those who were obedient to Him that night.
During his schooling, we continued to be youth pastors, and I was the worship leader as well at our new church in PA. God moved mightily on our behalf during this time. Andrew completed his associates in Biblical Studies, and then we decided it was time to move to Florida to complete his pastoral degree. Notice I said, "We decided." We didn't really seek God out in this...we just did it. He went to Southeastern University to finish up. I'm not sure we were ever supposed to leave Pennsylvania because life in Florida was devastating for our whole family. Don't get me wrong, Florida is absolutely beautiful weather wise, but people wise...well... not so beautiful. The crime rate there is ridiculous...at least where we lived near Orlando. Know this...Although, sometimes we stray off His perfect path, if we are obedient to Him, He has a way of working it all out for the good even if it doesn't feel good at the time. While we were there in Florida, we felt led to be Children's pastors. We pastored children for about 5 years. It was such an awesome experience...but that's for another post one day. We also, at the time, worked in all other avenues of ministry while we were there... We cleaned the church, we worked in the senior's ministry, we worked in the homeless ministry, we helped out in every area that we could gleaning as much experience as we could. We were seeking God, and He told us when it was time to go...but we didn't obey. One night, right before Christmas, our family was held up at gunpoint...my life...our lives drastically changed. My worldview changed...any innocence or naivety I had...it was gone. Also a story for another time. We knew we had not obeyed God, and we were going to correct that. We made plans to move back home to NY. Our plans included becoming the Children's Pastors for our home church we left when we left NY... but God had other plans. Our pastor from NY called us and said a door was opening for a Senior Pastor position in Angola. Although he wanted us as Children's Pastor, he wanted us to check out the Senior Pastor position, and so we did...and so we are.
Did I now feel the calling to be the wife of a pastor? I had been all along but didn't realize it. ....And the realization was beginning to knock at the door of my heart. I am the wife of a pastor. Called to stand by my husband's side and assist him in that duty. It doesn't define me, but it is one of the many hats I wear. It's an enormous responsibility, but one obviously He believed I could handle. It is one I wear proudly and confidently knowing that my God had intended it even before I was born. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5 He set me apart to be who I am...to wear the hats I wear...to have an impact for His Kingdom. I am not a nun as was once spoken over me, but I am the wife of a pastor. Won't you ask yourself what has He set you apart for...for we all have a great purpose. Will we choose to fulfill that purpose is the even greater question?